What am I Doing Here?
by thepotionsmaster369
Summary: Dumbledore , Snape, McGonagall , Luna , Malfoy and Harry Potter all wake up in one room. They have no idea why they are there or how they are going to get out. So they decide to play a game of truth or dare.
1. Knocked out

On a warm spring day, Albus Dumbledore was taking a stroll around the castle. He was thinking about whatever a 160-something person thinks about , that is , when he would have his next cup of tea. That and Voldemort , yes Voldemort had been getting on his nerves lately. Just before Dumbledore could debate whether he should have a lemon drop or an acid pop , he tripped over his long silver beard , hit his head on the ground and everything went black.

Luna Lovegood was skipping around the castle , humming something that sounded like "Weasley is our King". Suddenly she stopped skipping and looked around curiously. She could have sworn that she had heard some nargles. They were cunning creatures. She heard a noise and looked directly above her. The last thing she saw was Peeves dropping a very heavy dungbomb on her head , before she was knocked out and fell to the ground.

Proffessor McGonagall was playing the bagpipes in her room. This was her favorite early morning activity. She just loved blowing those pipes . It was jolly good fun. She also loved to wear a kilt , just to get into the whole Scottish spirit of things. McGonagall was getting into some serious head banging , blowing these pipes as hard as she could , til she was red in the face , sweat dropping down her forehead. She blew those pipes so hard that she ran out of oxygen and fainted , falling to the floor of her room.

Draco Malfoy was in the Slytherin common room , writing some poetry. He had many feelings. Some days he woke up and wished Luna would notice him , but Luna didn't notice him or anything for that matter. Draco sighed. He was 96.7% sure he was in love with her. If Pansy knew this she would probably punch him in the face. And as if he had just predicted the future, Draco turned around and the last thing he saw was Pansy looking furious before punching him in the face and knocking him out.

Severus Snape woke up in a strange bed. He looked beside him and found that Proffessor Sprout was sleeping next to him. He looked at the floor and saw his black robes lying there , before he discovered that he was naked. What the fuck was going on? Why did his head hurt so much? Severus Snape was about to have a panic attack , trying to scramble out of bed so fast he fell on the ground , hit his head and was knocked out.

Harry Potter , the boy who lived , the chosen one , the saviour of wizard kind , really needed to pee. Tiredly he swung his legs off his bed and walked to the bathroom. He was day dreaming about last night's encounter with Cho , that he tripped over his robes and fell down the flight of stairs , smashing his head on the floor before everything went black.

Six very confused wizards and witches woke up in a room . One was naked , one was wearing a kilt , one needed to pee , one had been punched by a girl , one had a very sore beard and one smelt very bad. What fuck were they all doing here?

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LOL this is just chapter 1. Hope you enjoyed. Please Review :)


	2. Thank god for the pot plant

The six wizards and witches stared at each other, in utter confusion. Even Dumbledore was confused, that had to be a first.

Severus Snape appeared to be the most confused though. This was probably the second or third worst day of his life, he woke up naked in a bed with Sprout, he had a hangover and now he was stuck in a room with Dumbledore, Potter, Malfoy, Lovegood, and McGonagall. Did I mention that he was naked?

It wasn't a pretty sight.

The first person the recover was Luna. She took in her surroundings, wondering if any wackspursts were in the room.

"It's a lovely room isn't it?" She commented to her companions, not caring if they answered. The room wasn't lovely at all. In fact it was almost empty. In the middle of the room lay a pot plant , a pitcher of pumpkin juice , some fishnet stockings and a blindfold.

Amusing and random but not the most helpful of items. Except the pot plant, which as soon as it was discovered,Snape promptly hid himself behind it. Failing dreadfully.

Draco Malfoy, furious from being punched in the face exclaimed loudly "What the fuck is going on?"

"Language, Mr Malfoy" Dumbledore said calmly, before taking out his knitting.

"Albus! How can you be knitting at a time like this?" Demanded McGonagall.

"How can I not Minerva? Clearly there is no escape."

"So you're just going to do nothing?" Cried Harry Potter, who didn't like the idea of being stuck in a room with his two worst enemies (apart from Voldy ) , a gay old man , an insane girl and a pipe blowing old lady. He'd rather be stuck with a bunch of slimy flobberworms and a rapping dementor or two.

"Im sure the problem will solve itself."

"Dumbledore are you as stupid as you look?" Demanded Snape.

"Not as stupid as you look, professor, no offence, but where are your clothes?" Said Harry, trying not to laugh.

McGonagall suddenly discovered this and shielded her eyes.

Luna who was day dreaming at this point, turned at looked at Snape , her I eyes growing wider. "I think I just found at wackspurt" She said, looking at Snape.

Harry roared with laughter, as Mcgonagall appeared amused.

"If you don't be quiet from now on Potter I will make sure you will regret living. I think even your narrow feeble mind can realize what the Cruciatus curse does."

"Now, now, Severus "said Dumbledore "None of us have our wands."

"I think Proffessor Snape does" said Draco looking at Snape hiding behind the pot plant. "I wonder if it can perform any interesting spells?"

Luna let out a high pitch giggle and Draco flushed.

"I think so" said Mcgonagall eagerly joining in "Professor Snape _is _the potions master."

"That's enough" Dumbledore said gently "You wouldn't want Professor Snape to have to take out his "wand"."

From behind the pot plant Snape was turning redder and redder, and if looks could kill, everyone in the room would probably be dead.

The six witches and wizards sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes, not quite knowing what to do.

"How about" said Luna and everyone turned to look at her "We play truth or dare?"

It wasn't such a bad idea.

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OOOOooo whats gonna happen next? PLEASE REVIEW I hope this story was moderately entertaining. LOL


	3. Snape and Dumbledore get intimate

"That's a splendid idea" agreed Dumbledore, "I haven't played truth or dare since my 18th birthday or was it my 56th? Well it doesn't matter, we had such a great time, somehow me and Minerva ended up in the broom cupboard...you know how it is."

Dumbledore smiled sheepishly.

"Albus!" growled McGonagall "What happens in the broom cupboard stays in the broom cupboard!"

Snape sniggered from behind his pot plant.

"Shut up Severus-I-can't-get-any-Snape!" McGonagall growled again.

"For your information McGonagall, why do you think I woke up naked?"

"Oh, I don't know, you decided to shine your wand before class?"

Snape glared at McGonagall.

"Are we going to play truth or dare now?" asked Malfoy , getting bored.

"Yes, Mr Malfoy, you can start" said Dumbledore, sneaking in some shifty glances at McGonagall.

McGonagall rolled her eyes.

"Ok, Luna, truth or dare?"

"Truth" Luna said in her dreamy voice.

"Do you have a crush on anyone?"asked Malfoy, curiosity burning in his voice. He looked very hopeful.

Luna blushed a crimson red. "Um , you um..must promise not to tell."

"Cross my heart and hope to die, and if I don't, I'll stick pins in my eyes." said Dumbledore. The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, um." Stuttered Luna "I kinda like..." She paused.

Malfoy held his breath in anticipation. His heart stopped beating, his palms sweated, his whole body went stiff as he braced himself for Luna's answer. The world stopped spinning.

"Hagrid"

Everyone in the room went white with shock. Snape vomited in his pot plant. Harry fainted. McGonagall's wig fell off. Dumbledore lost the twinkle in his eye.

Draco Malfoy was devastated.

"OH kayyyyyyy..." Said Harry slowly, recovering from his fainting episode and trying to relieve some of the tension in the room. "Luna you can ask someone now."

"Oooo goodie" she said, oblivious to the horror she had just subjected her roommates to. "Um , Professor Snape , truth or dare."

"Dare" Snape said, he was not going to reveal any personal information to any of these people. He could lie but Dumbledore would realise.

"Kiss Dumbledore."Said Luna, and after a sudden consideration "On the lips."

Malfoy, Harry and McGonagall doubled over in hysterical laughter.

"Oh, there is nothing like a good old kiss between two friends." Stated Dumbledore , flicking his beard over his shoulder.

Snape scowled, he'd rather kiss a dementor , he might lose his soul but that would be better then kissing Dumbledore. On the lips. He shuddered.

"Come on now Severus, don't keep us waiting" Jeered McGonagall.

"I so wish I had my camera right now" said Harry, the yearning clear in his voice.

"Get on with it Snape !" said Malfoy.

"Come here" Severus said to Albus "I'm not moving out from behind this infernal pot plant!"

Dumbledore got up eagerly, crouching before Snape.

"Open wide Severus. Let me see your parseltongue."

Severus obliged and suddenly Dumbledore's mouth was on his, his scratchy beard tickling Severus's upper lip.

He tasted like lemon drops.

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REVIEW! I know you liked it XD


	4. Harry's Striptease

**Hellloooo there. Read and Review :) Even if you are sickened by the thought of lemon drops. **

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Dumbledore pulled away from Snape , looking satisfied. Everyone else in the room had a strange mixture of disgust and amusement on their faces.

Snape had never felt so humiliated in his life.

"Oh, its all right Severus" said McGonagall kindly but with a touch of cheekiness in her eyes. "Now it's your turn."

"Potter!" said Snape sharply , ideas forming in his mind.

The boy turned to face him , fear replacing the smirk on his face. Snape was going to get pay back , he just knew it. It wasn't his fault Luna dared him to kiss Dumbledore, it wasn't fair that Snape would get revenge on him.

"Yes Professor?" Harry asked meekly, awaiting his fate.

"Truth or dare?" Snape said in his dangerous voice , it was a simple question but so hard to answer.

Harry contemplated for a moment. He was leaning towards truth because he really didn't have much to hide but then again if he chose dare Snape wouldn't think he was surrendering.

"Truth" Harry said uncertainly.

"Have you ever had sexual fantasies about Granger?"

Harry's face went white.

He had. He had. He had. He had.

"No!" he exclaimed hoping he sounded like he wasn't lying. Images of leather , hand cuffs,melted chocolate and the brown eyes of Hermione ran through his mind. Snape couldn't know , he couldn't know.

"You're lying" Snape said and Malfoy snickered. "And because you have lied you must perform a dare."

Harry looked desperately at Dumbledore.

"I'm afraid he's right Harry , you did break the rules after all." Said Dumbledore kindly as if he was re-assuring a stricken toddler.

"Fine" muttered Harry , angrily. "What's my dare then?"

"I dare you..."Snape said , thinking " to perform a striptease. Blindfolded."

Dumbledore smiled excitedly.

"No!" choked out Harry , but he immediately knew that he was defeated.

"Go on Potter" jeered Malfoy , "Show me your teeth."

"It's quite easy Harry , just pretend your body is a slippery snake sliding through a tube." said Luna , sounding like she had experience on this topic.

"Yeah Potter , just pretend your gonna Slyther-IN." said Malfoy, unable to wipe the smirk off his face.

"Put on your blindfold Harry." Said McGonagall handing the blindfold to Harry who reluctantly took it from her. "Go ahead."

Harry put the blindfold on , feeling very vulnerable.

"Now Potter." said Snape "Firstly take off your shirt , slowly and smoothly. Run your hands up your chest as you do it."

Potter obeyed , and took her shirt off.

"Wow Harry , who knew you were so butch?" said McGonagall in amazement staring at Harry's abs.

Harry felt himself redden in embarrassment. Maybe it was better that he couldn't see everyone's faces.

"Now take off your pants." said Malfoy getting into the action. "I wonder if he's wearing lady's underwear?"

"I am." confessed Dumbledore.

"Somehow that doesn't really surprise me Professor." said Harry as he took his pants off.

"That's because you already knew, Potter . Now I know what goes on in your and Dumbledore's secret meetings." said Snape.

"Shut up Snape!" said Harry.

"My , my feisty aren't we?" said McGonagall.

"And he's wearing Victoria's Secret!" said Malfoy.

"It's Bonds idiot!" growled Harry. "Am I done now?"

"No Potter , we haven't seen your Philosopher's Stones yet. I was wondering where they had been hidden." Said Snape.

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**OH dear me. Do you think Harry will go all the way? Find out next time. :P Dont forget to review.**


	5. Size DOES matter

ITS CHAPTER 4.

wow this story has come so far , and it will only continue i get MORE REVIEWS!

MMMMOOOORRREEEE III TTEEELLLL YYYOOOUUU!

Disclaimer- what the fuck Jk rowling , why'd u steal harry potter from me?

ENJOY :):):):):)

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Harry Potter stood in a room wearing only a blindfold and his underpants. His skinny , albino but "butch" body was trembling.

And not with excitement.

"Im NOT taking off my undies!" said Harry defiantly.

"Go on Potter , we promise we won't look." teased Malfoy.

"I can't garentee that Harry." said Dumbledore.

"Potter!" snarled Snape ."Take them off now! Make sure it looks sexy!"

"Why do you care if look sexy?" demanded Harry.

"I care." said Dumbledore.

"Because the dare was to strip_ tease _and not just strip. Honestly how do expect to score with Granger if you don't know how to strip?" said Snape.

"Fine!" exclaimed Harry.

Everyone waited and then Harry slowly slid off his underwear , baring all.

Gasps of surprise resounded throughout the room.

"Wow." said Malfoy in complete aw. "I never knew you were so..."

"I always used to believe size didn't matter , but Harry!" said Mcgonagall in amazment.

Luna simply stared , her mouth hanging open.

"Had enough?" said Harry , irritated and embarrassed.

"No" whispered Dumbledore , but no one heard him.

Harry put his underwear on , took off his blindfold and put the rest of his clothes on. Then he sat down and began to sulk , his expression moody and unpleasant.

"It's your turn Harry" Luna reminded him.

Harry's expression brightened alittle as he scanned the room looking for his next victim.

"Professor McGonagall , truth or dare?"

McGonagall huffed in annoyance before considering Harry's offer.

"Dare" she said , a feeling of dread welling up inside her.

"I dare you to...give Snape a lapdance , for 2minutes and if your not up to standard , you have to give Dumbledore one."

The expressions of three people in the room changed in a second. Two looked petrified and one looked very excited.

Let me tell you , Snape and McGonagall were NOT the ones looking excited.

_Why , oh why didn't I choose truth? _, McGonagall thought to herself.

Oh and incase you have forgotten , Snape is naked.

That complicates matters doesn't it?

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Very short i know SORRY

WILL MCGONAGALL GIVE NAKED SNAPE A LAP DANCE?

AND WHAT ABOUT HARRY'S SIZE?

WHY DID IT CAUSE SUCH SHOCK?

WAS HE **BIG **or small?

say what you think in the review :)

UNTIL NEXT TIME...


	6. McGonagall's Lapdance

**read my pretties. :) !**

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McGonagall scowled at Snape , a very uncharacteristic gesture for her.

But then again she was about to do a very uncharacteristic thing ; give Severus Snape a lapdance.

She scrunched the blindfold in her fist before flinging it a Snape.

"Cover up your "wand"" she said stiffly (no pun intended). Snape wrapped the blindfold around his hip , looking very much like a native savage crouching behind the potplant.

_At least the blindfold's wide enough_ thought McGonagall. She made her way over to Snape , determined not to look into his eyes. She placed her hands on his shoulders and hezitated.

"Get on with it already!" moaned Malfoy.

McGonagall growled and Snape lifted an eyebrow in surprise.

"Remember Professor McGonagall , you have to mean it , it has to be convincing." said Harry.

"Why is that Potter? Do you want McGonagall to teach you how it's done?" Snape snarled.

"I do." said Dumbledore , but again no one heard him.

McGonagall sighed in frustration before arching inwards to Snape , her torso very close to his. She closed her eyes and let herself rub up against him. She then crouched down before repeating the motion , every part of her body touching him on the way up.

Malfoy whistled and Luna broke into giggles.

McGonagall blocked them from her mind and concentrated on giving a convincing lapdance.

_Up _

_Down_

_Inhale_

_Exhale_

_Push_

_Pull_

_and again_

McGonagall didnt notice that she was becoming quite sweaty , hot and breathless.

She definitely didn't notice that she was enjoying herself immensely.

"Professor." said a voice , McGonagall barely heard it.

"Professor McGonagall" said the voice again.

"MINERVA!" snarled a different voice , and McGonagall was pulled back into reality. Snape scowled up at her , his chest slightly red from the abrasion of her robes. "You can stop now." he said.

"Oh" said McGonagall , flushing. How could she let herself drift off like that? She was just so caught in the moment , enjoying the feel of her body moving , Snape so close to her. She removed her hands from Snape's shoulders and noticed that her nails had dug into his skin from gripping so tightly.

"I think that was.. um.. sufficient." said Harry , white in the face , slightly shaking from the disturbing act he had just witnessed.

"DAMMIT! I wanted a go!"cried Dumbledore , looking dissapointed and chestfallen.

"Tough luck." growled McGonagall , wiping the sweat off her hands onto her robes.

"Minerva I love it when your fiesty!" said Dumbledore eagerly.

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" exclaimed Malfoy covering his ears.

"For once in my life I agree with Malfoy." said Harry.

"It's your turn now Professor." Luna reminded McGonagall. McGonagall turned to Dumbledore and smiled evily. Dumbledore enjoyed a fiesty McGonagall , but not an evil one. His face paled.

"Albus , truth or dare?" McGonagall asked malevolently, as Dumbledore squirmed nervously.

"Truth." stuttered Albus. McGonagall smirked and the rest of the room's occupants awaited eagerly.

"Where and to who did you loose your virginity?"

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**WWWOOOO cliffhanger! who and where do you think? answer in a review :) please?**


	7. Front Door Virgin

**Be warned , this chapter may cause very very disturbing mental images.**

**Anyho , enjoy and review :)**

**XXXxxxXXX**

"I'd rather not say." said Dumbledore , blushing heavily at McGonagall's question.

"Aww come on Dumbledore , why not?" asked Harry.

"Maybe" said Malfoy , smirking , "he is _still _a virgin"

"That would be right." jeered Snape.

Dumbledore blushed more intensly and everyone gasped.

"W-wait , a-are you?"stuttered McGonagall.

"Oh my god." said Snape.

"Aw , it's alright. Voldemort's still a virgin too."said Luna.

"Wait really?" exclaimed Harry.

"Why are you so surprised Potter? Aren't you able to spot other virgins , seeing as you are one yourself?" sneered Snape.

"Is anyone in this room not a virgin?" asked Malfoy , curiously.

Harry mentally calculated in his head . _Snape -yes , Dumbledore - maybe , McGonagall - no , Luna- no , Malfoy-maybe._ Seemed like he and Snape were in the same boat.

_Oh , well , it's better to be a 16 year old virgin than a 36year old virgin. Maybe that's why Snape is so grumpy all the time. Maybe if he got alittle action , he wouldn't be so nasty...or horny._

"We can answer that later Malfoy. Anyway , who and where Albus , we are waiting."

"Well , the thing is , I'm kinda...um...a...front door virgin." said Dumbledore.

"Front door?" said Harry in confusion.

Snape shuddered , "So if your saying your a front door virgin , does that mean your insinuating that your not a-"

"A BACK DOOR VIRGIN!"cried Malfoy , finally understanding.

"Oh my god." gasped McGonagall.

The entire room was silent , a very awkward silence , everybody was waiting for someone to speak.

"So" Luna piped up , "Did you enjoy anal , Professor Dumbledore? Personally , I find it quite entertaining."

Malfoy slapped his forehead with his hand.

"Yes , Miss Lovegood , it was a pleasurable experience , Grindlewald was very gentle."

"Grindlewald?" asked McGonagall , weakly.

"Yes , he really hit the spot , he was very good at satisfying my needs. Taught me everything I know." said Dumbeldore , in a nostalgic tone as he remembered the summer of eighteen-something-something (How old is Dumbles anyways? Is he like the 160 year old front door virgin? Virgin of the century (quite literally.) anyways back to the story...) "My sister and brother were out, leaving me and Grindlewald at home. We were quite bored of planning evil master-minded ideas, so um , we decided to just ..um... do it...in my parent's bed."

"In your _dead_ parents's bed?" exclaimed McGonagall.

"Well they weren't _in _there , Minerva. Do really think we would have sex if my parents's dead bodies were lying next to us?" asked Dumbledore.

"That wouldn't surprise me Albus." said McGonagall.

"_Foursome_." sniggered Malfoy and Luna giggled.

"Anyway." said Dumbeldore , his facing brightening happily. "Now it is my turn to ask someone!"

"Yes , go ahead Albus." sighed McGonagall.

"Mr Malfoy , truth or dare?" asked Dumbledore. Malfoy froze and began to think rapidly.

_Truth or Dare?_

_Truth or Dare?_

_Truth or Dare?_

"T-truth." said Malfoy , nervously.

"Tell me , Draco , what is going on between you and Pansy Parkinson?"

_"Oh , God." _thought Malfoy , "_They don't know about Pansy's dirty little secret."_

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**Dear me , another cliffy :) I know that a certain reviewer doesn't approve of them. LOL. (you know who you are :P)**

**Anyways , what do you think Pansy's dirty little secret is?**


	8. Pansy's Dirty Little Secret

**Another chapter just because I love you. **

**Dedicated to the  
potionsmistress369 , who stole my name and gets more reivews. Free piece of chocolate cake to every reviewer (just leave your address and I'll send it in the mail.)**

Disclaimer- JKrowling is a stripper who stole harry potter off me so she could make some real money.

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"Well , the thing is , nothing is really going on. According to me anyway." said Malfoy to his eager audience. He loved Luna , _NOT_ Pansy. Besides Pansy had a dirty little secret that ultimately turned him off.

"I think your hiding something , Mr Malfoy." said Dumbledore.

"What? The fact that he has no dick? Because we already knew that." exclaimed Harry. Malfoy shot him an evil look. Mcgonagall laughed.

"Yes Malfoy , I can see that in your mind , your hiding something about Pansy." said Snape.

"Fine , Ill tell you then." sighed Malfoy feeling slightly amused. They would never guess what the secret was , not in a million years . "But you have to guess."

"Ok." the group agreed.

"Ok , let me guess , she is a lesbian?" asked Harry.

"Too obvious." Malfoy shook his head.

"She is pregnant?" asked Luna.

"Well she was preggas but that's a story for an other time." smirked Malfoy.

"She had a boob job?" asked Dumbledore.

Malfoy shook his head. Dumbledore's face fell with disapointment.

"She has had anal sex?" asked Harry.

"That's Dumbledore , remember?" said Malfoy , as if Harry would forget. He wished he could.

"She eats her own shit?" asked Mcgonagall. Harry and Luna laughed. Snape grimaced. Malfoy shook his head again.

And Dumbledore said , "I do." But of cource no one heard him ( or would have wanted to for that matter.)

"Miss Parkinson has STDs?" asked Snape , speaking up for the first time. ( remember he is still partly naked , so he doesn't want to draw that much attention to himself)

"Everybody already knows that." said Malfoy , alittle impatient. He was dying to tell them the secret.

"She has chest hair?" asked Luna.

"More than Potter would anyway." Jeered Snape. Harry frowned with anger.

"No , I think she shaves it." said Malfoy.

"Damn" said Dumbledore.

"I KNOW!" shrieked Luna , excitedly.

"What?" asked Malfoy.

"She doesn't wash her hands after going to the toilet!"

"Are you susposed to?" wondered Dumbledore , with complete honesty.

"No Luna."

"Oh."

Everyone in the room racked their brains. Pansy wasn't a lesbain , wasn't pregnant ( at the moment ) , didn't have a boob job and may or may not have STDS/Anal sex / washed her hands after going to the toilet. There was only one logical explanation left...

"SHE'S A MAN!" cried Snape.

He was right.

But everyone doubted it. They looked at Malfoy waiting for him to confirm Snape's answer.

Very slowly , trying to stop a full smile from launching , Malfoy nodded. Everyone gasped.

"I KNEW IT!" exclaimed Dumbledore happily.

"How would you know , Albus?" asked Mcgonagall.

"Well she does have a rather large package for a girl , unless she is Lady GaGa."

Mcgonagall thought for a second to find evidence to support Dumbledore's theory. She didn't look at Pansy's "package" very often.

"She must take ALOT of Viagra! Have you seen the size of that thing!" exclaimed Harry. Now everything made sence to him. Pansy was a man. He always suspected it.

"I know!" said Luna , "Its larger than an Erumpent Horn!"

"Longer than Dumbledore's beard!"

"How would you like to get that basilisk in your Chamber of Secrets , Minevra?" smirked Dumbledore to Mcgonagall , whilst making some suggestive eyebrow movements.

"I must have had some Felix Felicis , because I'm feeling lucky." Dumbledore continued , while Snape vomited at the mental imagery.

"Are you speaking Parseltongue? because your making my snake do things!"

Oh Lordy.

**XXXxxxXXX**

NUMBER OF REVIEWS I RECEIVE EQUALS THE AMOUNT OF CHAPTERS I WILL WRITE  
TIL THE END 


	9. The Premier

**Yes I've changed my mind , THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER!I know OMGOMGOMG.**

I have began a new story - Hagrid Becomes a Stripper. (the title is self explanitory)  
Also I have a story called Hogwarts goes Catholic which is quite funny. =) So don't worry , I am still providing my disturbing randomness.

Here we go...

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Malfoy was smirking in the corner of the room , he had successfully shocked everyone by the fact that Pansy was a man.

In fact everyone was too busy being freaked out to notice that it was Malfoy's turn to allocate a truth or a dare.

A lot of shit had gone down that day. Very disturbing things had happened , most of them were things that everyone wanted to forget.

"Oi!" Malfoy said to his companions , "It's my turn!"

Everyone looked at each other , wondering who would be chosen since they all had be victimized. Snape could still taste Dumbledore in his mouth. No one was particularly looking forward to Malfoy's turn. They had enough.

"I choose..." drawled Malfoy, thinking hard. But then all of sudden the lights went bright , blinding white and everyone cried out in shock , shielding their eyes.

"What's happening?" cried Harry.

"Do something Albus!" shrieked Mcgonagall. Dumbledore had absolutely no idea what to do.

And then two voices filled the air , "Hello there!"

"Who are you?" exclaimed Mcgonagall.

"Should we tell them?"

"I don't know. I think-"

"They will find out for themselves."

"Especially once we are famous for selling this video footage."

"What footage?" asked Harry , who had a sinking feeling in his stomach.

The voice laughed. "I think we should tell them."

"Yes ok , we are none other than-"

"George and-"

"Fred Weasley!"

"What!" shrieked Mcgonagall. Snape growled , Malfoy swore angrily.

"You will be pleased to know," continued the voice that was probably George , "That we will make a substantial amount of money by selling a video recording of everything that happened in this room." 

"Yes , Rita will pay good money for this."

"No!" gasped Luna , for once in her life afraid , now everyone would know that she loved Hagrid! It was a catastrophe!

Everyone else was very much in shock. Except Dumbledore , he remained relatively calm , after all , he was going to be famous!

"I don't believe you! Prove it!" yelled Malfoy.

"Very well." It was Fred.

The light faded slightly and there on the wall , a small window became visible , and the faces of the twins were seen.

"Im going to kill you!" cried Harry , now fuming because everyone would see his fully naked striptease.

The twins laughed from their window ,"We haven't told you the best part yet-"

"The footage is going to premier-"

"In the Great Hall-"

"Right now!"

"Ok , I'm uploading it onto WizTube as we speak!"

Mcgonagall , Dumbledore , Malfoy , Harry , Luna and Snape watched in horror , completely defenceless as the twins uploaded the video onto the muggle computer.

"Done!" they exclaimed happily.

"You are free to leave now , just wish for a door to appear , after all you are in the room of requirement." said George.

"We best be off George , we have a movie to show."

"To the Great Hall!" announced George and he and Fred disappeared.

Right on queue , a door appeared on the wall.

"We have to get to the Great Hall and stop them!" cried Mcgonagall , racing to the door and opening it.

Even though he was naked , Snape stood up , not caring who saw his "wand" and sped after Mcgonagall. The rest followed at full pelt behind them , determined to stop the film from showing. As they approached the Great Hall they heard loud voices from inside.

"_Kiss Dumbledore_" , the dreamy sound of Luna filled the hall. Snape smashed his fists against the door , trying to open it.

"_Oh, there is nothing like a good old kiss between two friends_"

"_Come on now Severus, don't keep us waiting"_

The group furiously cast unlocking spells at the door , Snape still slamming with his fists. Harry was kicking the door. Luna was about to cry.

"_I so wish I had my camera right now"_

The students inside the hall laughed , and Mcgonagall screamed out of frustration , "IT WON'T OPEN!"

_"Get on with it Snape"_

_"Come here , I'm not moving out from behind this infernal pot plant!"_

The students gasped with anticipation.

"Everyone stand back." said Snape , pointing his wand at the door. Everyone shuffled out of the way and waited anxiously.

_"Open wide Severus. Let me see your parseltongue."_

"BOMBARDA!" yelled Snape. Milliseconds later the door exploded , rock and brick were flying everywhere. The door was gone , blown up. Not bothering for the dust to clear , they ran into the Great Hall , eyes wide with horror while the students inside fainted with disgust and shock.

On a large screen were Dumbledore and Snape.

They were kissing.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Snape.

The twins smiled evilly to each other , yes , they were going to get good money for this.

**THE END**

**XXXxxxXXX**

**OMG ITS OVER. REVIEW ME , TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS STORY =)**

**Also , if you have time , check out a new story I wrote today called "Protection." It's not a humor story , so if your not into romance or drama , dont bother reading it.**

**On another note , THANKYOU x million to everyone who reviewed , you gave me heaps of inspiration. **


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